Some Christians take the view that all they need to tell their children about sex is not to engage in it until they get married. While instilling Christian values in our children from a young age is admirable, it is not difficult to argue that the teenage pregnancy rate during the Bush years more than speaks for itself in explaining why teaching nothing more than abstinence is ineffective.
Providing information about sex, and sharing your opinions about the situations in which sex is appropriate, does not give your child the message that you think premarital sex is fine and dandy. Here are some compelling reasons to talk to your children about sex.
Parental guidance vs peer “information”
By creating an atmosphere in which your children are able to discuss anything of interest to them with you, the parent, you will steer them away from relying on peer information or misinformation. By this, I don’t mean that you should have one big loaded “talk” with your child, especially if they are uncomfortable with what you are saying. Rather, if parents answer their children’s questions honestly yet simply, they will know they can rely on you.
Presenting facts at a level your child can understand, from a young age, makes it easier for children to accept that there is nothing sinful about sex, when practiced in the appropriate environment. For example when I was pregnant with my son, and suffering from pregnancy signs and symptoms in a big way, my then two-year old asked how the baby got in there. My husband and I explained that babies are made with a small part of daddy, and a small part of mommy. That was satisfactory for her, and she did not ask more.
Being curious about sexuality is normal, and curiosity does not equal physical acts. Yet, when children do not receive the information they are after from a safe source like a parent, they will get it from peers. You are in control of the information you offer, but have no idea what kids will tell each other. If you do have honest discussions about sex, and the implications of premarital sex, your child will have a solid base when those inevitable teenage discussions do take place.
The dangers of teenage sex
My view may be a controversial one – and of course, I respect those who disagree with me. To put it bluntly, I am aware that some teenagers will at some point engage in sexual acts. My husband and I are committed to equipping our children with a solid Christian base. This includes attending Church, reading from the Bible every night, and also modeling a solid marriage – including lots of love! There is no need to point out that I hope our children will follow the same path into adulthood, but at the same time, I acknowledge they may not.
Given the choice between children not having information beyond “don’t do it”, and being fully aware of the spectrum of options, I choose the latter. Sexually transmitted diseases and teenage pregnancy are real problems. I want my children to know what to do to keep themselves safe, even if they make choices I disapprove of. Simultaneously, the knowledge that having sex may mean you end up with chlamydia, genital warts, or HIV may serve as an additional deterrent.
Values to take into marriage
Honest discussions are important for me for many reasons. Sex is often seen as a dirty word – but let’s not forget that there is a time and a place for it. There is no reason for husbands and wives to feel ashamed of their sexuality, and to enjoy being intimate together. By emphasizing the wrongs of sex, we may be creating complexes that will not do our children any favors when they do find their mate.
Answering our children’s questions about healthy partnerships as well as sex may just give them just the tools they need to take into marriage.
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